terça-feira, setembro 05, 2006

O que fazer?

Este fim-de-semana foi de arromba – tão de arromba que nem consegui escrever nada.
Sinto que estou a preparar a minha sepultura para o suicídio.
Ainda não escolhi o método, nem o dia, nem o local, mas… quinta-feira é um bom dia, junto a ti, no sítio do costume, com um, dois ou três copos de veneno na mão.

Não tenho medo de morrer, tenho medo é da pessoa que descobrir depois de morrer!

Se for mais um xpto, alegre, divertido, e com força de viver – não me preocupa.
Se for uma sombra, sem paixão, carinho ou amor - preocupa-me mas não tenho medo.
Se for a pessoa que deu origem ao xpto, isso sim, isso assusta-me e preocupa-me.

O próximo poema foi escrito para ti e só para ti, já há algum tempo – mas como o publicaste, publico-o aqui também.


Estou na profissão errada.
Hoje cheguei a esta conclusão.
Até gosto do que faço,
E até não ganho mal, não!

Mas o gostar e o ganhar não chega
Preciso de algo que me alimente
Que me dê força todos os dias
E que me liberte a mente

Um emprego ao ar livre
Preferencialmente à beira-mar
Para poder sorrir todo o dia
E não ter dificuldade de respirar

Foi então que descobri!
Quero ser salineiro
É que assim, posso ter “sal”
Durante o dia inteiro


18 de Agosto de 2006 @ ?

35 comentários:

Anónimo disse...

Caro X.P.T.O.:

Comentário exclusivo à pequena prosa;


I) Do suicídio:
Gostava, antes de mais, que explicasses uma coisa, para ver se não estarei a interpretar mal. O Suicídio, para ti, consiste na morte da tua actual pessoa, bem como personalidade que lhe é inerente? Um suicídio, para mim, pode não passar exactamente pela “morte” enquanto corte brutal com a tua anterior personalidade. Pelo contrário um suicídio pode ser uma metamorfose como a das lagartas para as borboletas. Esta pode ser uma actualização (como a das paginas da Internet) da tua pessoa . Ou se quiseres uma conjugação, harmoniosa, ou não, do teu “Eu” antigo com o “Eu” novo.


II) Do modus operandi
Penso que 5ª feira é o dia perfeito para um suicídio. Digo-o pois escolher a 2º feira é banal e vulgar, sinónimo de imagem gasta. A 4º feira também é demasiado previsível como divide a semana, há sempre um desejo de renovação e mutação nesta 2ª fase da semana. 6ªfeira também não é igualmente um bom dia, é o encerramento de um ciclo e em nada poderá trazer/ressuscitar o “novo” X.P.T.O..
Parece-me assim, e desculpa o excesso de opinião, que a 3º e a 5º feira seriam excelentes escolhas por não terem nenhum significado em especial.
Quanto ao resto, meu caro X.P.T.O., estou certa de que escolherás o “melhor” sítio e o “melhor” veneno a tomar.

III) Do pós-suicídio do X.P.T.O.
Não tenhas qualquer receio da pessoa que virá, por dois motivos:
1) Tens “alguém novo” para descobrir;
2) Não é irreversível.
Explicando melhor este último motivo, o teu suicídio não é, de todo em todo, irreversível, simplesmente porque não passará da morte de um em detrimento de outro. A tua “morte” e subsequente assunção do novo X.P.T.O., incluirá, como em tudo, todas as anteriores experiências vivenciadas no passado, i.e., da era pré-suicidio.
Conselho: faz um pequeno “backup” da tua vítima, assim, se não gostares de um ou outro aspecto da tua “criação”, podes sempre recuperar algumas das características do “falecido”.

IV) Do pós-suicídio em diante…
Peço-te que não suicides os teus textos em prosa. Gosto mesmo de os ler e reflecti-los. Conferem-me aquela sensação de insanidade mental e anomalia, o “granu salis” (não tenho dicionário de latim ao pé de mim, não tenho a certeza se é assim) necessário para manter a minha mente equilibrada no meio da anormalidade ordeira, pausada, certeira, asfixiante e cartesiana que é a rotina…

Abraço

Post Scriptum-
1) Já reparei que há mais anónimos a escreverem-te. De hoje em diante para identificar-me passarei a utilizar “anónimo em prosa”.
2) Boa Sorte com a tua “Tágide” ;).
3) Espero não vir tarde demais, reparei que escreveste um texto em que falas de morte…

A.C. disse...

Caro “anónimo em prosa”,

Em Porquê diário dum suicida? podes encontrar este texto:
E essa pessoa, espero eu, espero que morra, mas que morra por substituição a uma outra pessoa renovada, com a mesma força de amar, com a mesma força de viver, de escrever, de querer te ter, mas sem os problemas da compreensão…
Eu uso a palavra mesma duas vezes. Quer isto dizer que não vou romper definitivamente com a personalidade actual. Vou sim aproveitar o melhor que conheço dela, e usá-la para criar algo diferente, espero eu que melhor.

Quanto ao dia: qualquer dia é dia, mas uma destas quintas-feiras pego no judas que há em mim e atraiçoo o meu ser.

Quanto ao pós: o meu “medo” é mesmo voltar a ser o que era, porque além de não ter nada de novo para conhecer, não gostei do que conheci.

Quanto ao textos: espero nunca deixar de escrever, mas uma coisa é verdade, perde-se a tágide, vai o feitiço e a inspiração atrás.

Quanto á morte: continuo vivo e muito vivo, e assim espero estar durante muito tempo, mesmo após o suicídio.

Aquele abraço,
xpto

Anónimo disse...

Oi, eu não tenho nenhum comentario sobre os textos, até porque sou leigo no assunto e todo esse vocabulario prolixo me deixou confuso e assoberbado, mas gostaria que me esclarecesse qual a real finalidade desse blog, porque se alto intitula como "suicida", você de falo vai se matar? Agradesso des de já!

Abraços!

A.C. disse...

Caro anónimo,

Eu já me suicidei...
E espero que se o amor me atraicionar outra vez, que eu tenha a sobriedade de o fazer, nem que tenha de ir ao meu próprio funeral vezes sem conta.

Vejo o texto que está por debaixo da minha foto e talvez compreenda o texto que leu, e as palavaras que escrevi.

Obrigado,
AC

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